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Friday, March 7th, 2003
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11:25 am - Light as a brick, heavy as a feather.
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My mind has been weighed down lately by the thoughts of my past, present, and future. What happened to the times I was content in playing the guitar along with Rufus on piano and singing for our late, but lovely Gabby? Of course we were young. It could be that I just miss that mentality. Now all the hype is a record deal, a record deal, a demo. It's very draining. I want to be able to pick up my guitar and perform at any given place again and not care if a suit is sitting in the audience. I want to do my passion, perform my life without the constant weight of "will this gig pay the bills?" It takes away from the free expression and will of what I love so much.
Somewhere in between free love and the new age we forgot what music was. When we used to sit down in circles on the grass and listen to this middle aged man play the most beautiful notes and sing the sweetest lines, did we think about business? "you know, if he was marketed right, he could be huge..." Of course not. Did that man think about getting a record deal? Never. He was singing because he loved it. Who cares if his shoes had holes in them and he couldn't afford another pair. Did he blame that on the fact his love didn't pay the bills? No. That love for music is what kept him alive and able to walk as the concrete made blisters on his feet. As long as he could sing and people would listen, life was worth it.
I wish I could think like that.
current mood:  contemplative
current music: Paris Train by Beth Orton
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| Sunday, February 23rd, 2003
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1:07 am - Final Hello, First goodbye?
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So, the journal thing didn't work out last time, but let's try it again, alright?
I'm Martha Wainwright, 26, Tall, Brunette... not looking for that special someone because they don't exist. I spend most of my days strumming on my guitar and trying to escape from the reality that this music passion isn't cutting the rent. All petty shit really. As long as I have my guitar with me, I don't care where I live. Although I do prefer it be alone, thats my only stipulation.
My brother is Rufus Wainwright, and my parents are Loudon Wainwright, and Kate McGarrigle. Not that it really matters, just thought I would share. They say this aids in my musical career. You know... obvious and somewhat successful musical backward. I just say it adds stress. Not only are your parents in everything else you do, but also your career. They never get off your ass about that. Then you have that friendly(?) sibling rivarily... and when they are winning, its not very fun anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy for that fucker. As happy as I can be, and he knows it. Especially when I slap him around a little bit. Don't let him lie, he likes it.
I've put 2 CDs out, never on any major labels. I'm working with Joan Osbourne's producer right now, trying to get another CD and possible demo out. I'd prefer it be just me and my guitar... maybe a few soft drums and string bass. They keep wanting to add all this other shit. They might know best, but its still my fucking songs.
Anyhow, I think I've whined for enough today... so tell me... How are you?
current mood: contemplative
current music: Character Zero by Phish
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